Haven
by kyoiku kanji
Summary: Another version of a recurring theme: Escaping Goblin Town, one is left behind. While the others are safe, their safety is bought at another's suffering. Kili does his best to hold on and buy them time- but even the sons of Durin have their limits.
1. 1 Pain

**AN:** This was the story that started it all, and I have to admit, I am quite unkind to Kili in this tale. I have always believed that great gifts come at great prices, and this story is no exception. I am also a strong believer in Hitchcock's approach, that you leave the actual horror to the reader, for they are far more devious than you can ever be.

This story (told in three parts) is the beginning to a bigger series that follows the books, with a few exceptions, to give us that great gift at the end. One final statement- I believe that Kili is stronger than even he believes.

Standard disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction, I do not claim rights to any of the character or world that was created by JRR Tolkien, brought to life on the screen by WB/NewLine/Wingnut. Runedar and the Saerwen are of my creation.

* * *

**Pain.**

It had become a part of him, a condition of living that he had been forced to endure. He had lost all sense of time, only knowing that he did not have much more left in him. Soon, whether he wanted it or not, he would be free of the pain that had become so much a part of his life, and his family would once again be in danger.

There was only so much a dwarf could take. Even the sons of Durin had their limits and Kili knew he had reached his.

He became aware of the smells of molded straw and dirt. Without opening his eyes, he knew he was back in his cell, for how long he knew not, but he knew the goblins would return soon enough, dragging him forth to pay for those lost when he and the others had escaped. At least the others had actually managed to escape. He, on the other hand, had failed with amazing proficiency.

He smiled as he thought of his brother and the others safe, and free of this nightmare. At least he prayed they were free, prayed they had moved on. Nothing could be gained in returning here save death. Azog, his tormentor, had made sure of that.

He let out a slight sigh. It was a small price to pay if his suffering kept the enemy from following his family and gave them the time they needed to escape. It was a price he had willingly paid and would pay again if asked.

He drew as deep a breath as he dared, and the rasp in his chest told him what he needed to know. It would not be long now.

That was when the nightmare truly began.

-:-

"Heal him."

He cringed as the harsh guttural command broke through the inky blackness that had clouded his mind and deadened the pain. He knew this command signaled a change in treatment. He felt his tormentor throw something towards him and tensed. He had learned that abrupt changes in Azog's tone meant something worse than what he had just endured was about to happen.

Instead of renewed pain, he felt the gentlest of touches on his brow. Without realizing it he curled into the touch and the pain receded until there was only a dull ache.

He slowly opened his eyes and saw a bent and twisted being covered by the marks of old tortures long forgotten. So twisted looking was the creature that at first he expected it to rejoice in Azog's treatment. He reacted with fear until he saw her eyes.

In those eyes he saw infinite sorrow, and kindness. As tears filled those eyes he wanted to reach out and brush them away, but he knew his hands were far too mangled to offer any real comfort. Azog had seen to that.

The goblins' torturer was well suited to his craft. The damage he had done physically was nothing when compared to the tricks he played on his victim's mind.

Azog had spent a very long time making sure Kili knew everything that would be taken from him, taunting him with it as he prepared the tools of his trade with slow, deliberate movements. It was then he realized that while the beast delighted in breaking his victims' bodies, his true calling was breaking the minds, the very soul, of his victim.

"Dwarf," he had snarled the word like an insult. "You will never again wield a sword. You will never know the comfort of the forge, nor draw a bow again. You will be denied everything a dwarf holds dear. No smithy, no warrior... you will be nothing more than a misshapen creature to be pitied and loathed, a worm among men capable of doing nothing for himself."

As he spoke, Azog looked at each implement, inspecting it in the light as if he were checking wine glasses before a great feast. Kili learned quickly that anticipated pain was almost as bad as the real thing, perhaps worse, since it was all in his mind.

He also learned there was nothing he could do about the tortures exacted against him, but there was something he could do about his soul.

As Azog began his ministrations, Kili fought every step of the way, trying to remember all that was good, but by the time that gentle hand had reach him, that last bit of spirit had all but died within him.

It was not the healing that brought him back to sanity, but those eyes. The infinite sadness reflected from the very soul of the woman, at least he thought of it as a woman... so much better than 'it' or creature or thing... the gentle soul that called to him and pulled him away from the madness.

As he felt the pain lift he dared to hope, and realized his mistake as Azog once again spoke.

"Enough," the beast growled as he shoved the woman away. Once again the beast stood, towering over Kili. "You see, you cannot escape me dwarfling. I plan on enjoying your company for many months to come..."

What happened next was that much worse for the brief respite the woman's touch had brought. Kili finally began to understand the fullest meaning of true evil.

-:-

As near as Kili could tell, days had passed since he had been allowed anything even resembling rest. Azog had been relentless in his 'lessons'. No words were spoken, only torments inflicted in such a way as to teach him every nuance of pain his body could produce and his mind could endure, and there was so much more than he ever thought possible.

His cell, dank and dark, had become the closest thing to refuge he had, and in it he would think of the others and try to remember the smells and tastes of home, but even those had begun to darken in his memory. Memories of roasts and platters piled high with meats and sweet breads now only brought to mind the smells of dung and fetid water.

Thoughts of his brother and the others were no longer a refuge but rather a reminder of all he had lost. He forced himself to breathe, reminding himself that as he lived and breathed, so did they. The longer he lasted, the further away they would be when Azog tired of his game and went looking for new prey.

After what felt like an hour, he pushed himself up. He knew he had to eat and drink for if he did not, food and drink would be forced on him. He had to live, if just a little longer.

As he tried to move towards the bucket of water they'd left him, he heard something stir along the back wall.

He slowly turned, wondering what new torment the beast had devised. Through eyes that were almost bruised shut he saw the gnarled form of the creature... the woman... who had healed him.

When he reached towards her, she pulled away. He wasn't sure if she was afraid of being hurt, or of hurting him, but he stopped just the same.

"I won't hurt you," he promised softly, the hoarseness of his voice making him cringe.

"But I will hurt you."

The sorrow in that voice almost broke him, but instead, it brought him back to himself.

"I won't let you," he answered with a hint of his youthful defiance.

"He will make me."

Again, he could hear sorrow, but this time he also sensed self-loathing. It was then he realized that this creature was as much a prisoner as he was.

"You healed me," he said shaking his head.

"So he could hurt you all the more."

He studied her for a long moment and nodded. "That he did, and that he will- but you," and he emphasized the word 'you', "never would."

She rewarded him with the slightest of smiles.

It was the start of something Azog could never understand.

-:-

It didn't take Kili long to realize that Azog had put the woman there, so that what would follow would hurt him, hurt them, all the more. First, he made sure Kili knew all too well the face of pain. Then he would make the woman heal him, letting Kili see firsthand that his relief was bought at her suffering. He would toy with them, first taking Kili to the threshold of unconsciousness only to pull him back with the woman's gentle touch.

Azog would force the woman to heal him, to hold his pain inside her and then give it back to him, when she could take no more. He used the woman's gift against them, making what should have been a miraculous gift the most terrible of curses.

Every time Azog forced her to heal him, Kili knew exactly the pain she endured at Azog's whim and it broke his heart.

In the days that followed the only thing that kept him sane were the moments they spent in the cell together, talking.

He told her of his home, and the sights he had seen in his travels, and when he learned that she had no memories outside the dank hell they now shared, he told her of the touch of fresh mountain air, of the scent of the winds as they blew through the pines, and the softness of young, green grass promising that one day they would be hers.

When he learned that she no longer remembered her name, he gave her one in Khuzdul, Runedar: haven. For that was what she was: his haven against the nightmare they shared.

Despite his better judgement, Kili found himself telling her of his brother, and the others for in the pit, which was what he called the place he was taken to suffer Azog's ministrations, he would forget their laughter but at night in his cell, he would call them to him, and his memories of them would keep him safe until he was once again taken away.

One night, when he had nearly broken, and forgotten everything worth fighting for, Runedar had moved next to him, and began recounting his stories, reminding him of his kin, his reason for fighting.

As the days passed, Azog left them alone for longer and longer periods of time, knowing they would grow closer so that what he had planned next would be that much worse, but instead they used that time as a balm, and their friendship as a shield. Yes they suffered, and he would use that against them, but for one another they would be strong, and that strength would see the other through.

But as Azog's tricks became even crueler than he'd ever thought possible, Kili knew the end was growing closer. The beast knew every injury the dwarf had suffered, just as he knew those meted out upon Runedar, and he used that knowledge to great effect.

Once when Kili had all but passed out from the pain, Azog had forced Runedar to heal him fully.

Kili had tried with all his might to resist, to keep her from taking all his pain upon herself, but in the end there was nothing he could do, and once she had, Azog had pushed her aside, out of reach, and then bound Kili and gagged him so he could offer no comfort, only watch her suffer .

For over an hour Azog had left Kili there, the silent witness to Runedar's suffering and it had nearly broken him. Calm, well thought out movements had become desperate, futile attempts to free himself, to reach her, but each movement only made things worse and brought him more pain.

With tears streaming down his face, he struggled with the desperation of a trapped animal. His movements became more and more frantic, until his eyes met hers. He caught the slightest flicker in her eyes, the sorrow, and the acceptance of her fate. He stilled, sanity returned once more.

He could almost hear her turning his words back on him from their first meeting so long ago: Azog had done this to her. He, Kili, never could.

When The Beast had returned to find Kili glowering with an anger that matched his uncle's instead of a weeping, broken man Azog had taken his anger out on the both of them, leaving them both too weak to move.

It was then Kili realized they had to get out of there or die trying. There was no more time to buy save for themselves. Azog had made his intentions clear, and no matter how much Kili wanted to protect Runedar—Azog would use him to kill her, and that would destroy him.

-:-

That night, they talked long into the darkness. They spoke of their lives and what had brought them to this nightmare, both of them afraid to speak of what had to be done and so they spoke of anything else.

He learned that the elves had called her people the Saerwen, the bittersweet, for their healing gift was just that: bittersweet. Their gift, when used was considered a great honor, and many were sought as court healers, but that had been long ago. Now, the last child of the Saerwen sat beside him a twisted memory of what she once was… what she should have been.

Once, when Azog had made her reveal the full extent of her pain to Kili, he had seen her as she should have been, and he wept, not from the pain, but from sorrow. She had been beautiful- a beauty that rivaled the finest jewel or polished metal and Azog had taken that and everything else from her.

He also realized what Azog already knew, what he had been doing to her was killing her and had been for many years. Kili was simply the tool to finish her off.

Slowly a plan began to develop, but he knew it would take Runedar's ability, not as a healer, but as an implement of pain to get them out of Azog's goblin-made hell. He wasn't sure he could ask that of her, but he knew if he didn't, neither one of them would last another night.

When he could think of nothing else, he told her of his plan. It wasn't much, but it was something. To his surprise, Runedar agreed.


	2. 2 Weeks

**Two weeks **

It had been two weeks since they'd lost Kili and Fili knew that the chances of finding his brother alive were growing slighter by the hour but neither he, nor the others would give up. They would see to it that his brother was avenged if nothing else.

It had taken them three days to get back to the cave where Kili had been captured, another four to find out where he had been taken after that, wasting precious time his brother didn't have.

He had barely eaten, and what sleep he had gotten was haunted at best. He had seen what the goblins could do to a dwarf; he had heard the stories and seen those they had left alive as a warning.

He wasn't sure what would be worse: Kili: dead or left the tortured shell of a man: something with his brother's smile, or worse something that only reminded him vaguely of his brother.

"Pace yourself, lad," he heard Thorin say from behind him in a calm voice, but when he turned he saw that the same fears haunted his Uncle. The thought of Kili's smile forever taken from them was too much to bear.

Fili nodded, but he knew his brother's time was running out and he feared the pace they'd set wasn't going to be fast enough.

He closed his eyes, trying to remember the last time he had seen his brother. It had been in those accursed caverns of the goblin town. They were fighting, as they always did, a fluid unit, changing positions and trading off battles as needed, though as always, Fili had tried to stay near his brother. The last he'd seen Kili was when he turned, bow in hand, to cover the final retreat from the cavern.

He could see his brother, his expression one of total focus as he kept the enemy at bay with carefully placed arrows. Then they were running, with Kili only a pace behind him, at least he thought it had been Kili. It wasn't until they'd reached the woods that he realized it had been Ori standing as rear guard, not his brother.

Bifur, Bofur, Bombur… Ori, Nori, Dori… Dwalin and Balin… Oin and Gloin… he watched as the others assembled, looking to his uncle for direction. Gandalf stood counting them, and had almost counted him as two, assuming as everyone did, that where he stood, so stood Kili.

It wasn't until Thorin stepped up to him and noticed him staring at the barren rocks, waiting, praying to see his brother, that his uncle realized the truth.

Even Bilbo had made it out while he watched and waited, expecting at any moment to see his brother smiling and laughing with relief—but there had been no relief, just the sudden cold realization that his brother was not coming.

-:-

All too soon Kili could hear the goblins returning, their hard, iron clad boots echoing through the stone passageway. He waited until he was sure they were coming for them, then gently nudged Runedar's foot with his own.

He nodded towards the side wall, then, realizing she couldn't see his gestures yet, rested his hand on her shoulder before guiding her toward the far wall. Before he let go, she touched her hand to his, taking as much of his pain, and healing him as much as she dared. They had a long, dangerous battle ahead of them, one that would require both their skills.

As she settled into the wall, he gave a tentative stretch of his shoulder and smiled. They were about to see just how big a mistake they had made leaving the two of them together and hopefully learn that there was nothing in the world worse than an angry, cornered Dwarf, except maybe an armed, angry, cornered Dwarf.

-:-

Fili focused on his preparations. He tried not to think about how many times he and his brother had set to this task. He tried not to think of his brother's smile or the laughter in his eyes as they prepared. Each day, each moment was a gift to Kili, and through him, to Fili. But now he was preparing to scout, not with Kili, but with Bilbo.

He looked to the usually cheerful, if flummoxed hobbit, but there was no confusion in the hobbit's stance. He could tell by the tight but determined expression on the hobbit's face that Bilbo too was aware of their chances, but rather than cave in, the hobbit had surprised all of them all by simply saying, "we get him back," when the others would have debated for hours about what they should do.

Those three words had endeared the hobbit to him as nothing ever could. There was no weighing the chances, the risks- just the simple straight forward solution. One of theirs was missing, and the only thing to do was get him back.

"I know I'm not as brave… or as keen sighted as your brother—but I will do my best… We'll find him," the hobbit said in a matter of fact tone. "You'll see."

Fili gave Bilbo a slight nod and smiled. There was a hint of mischief in his smile, as if he was sharing a joke about his brother, but there was also a coldness that even the hobbit could see. If they did not find him—the goblins would pay. Odds were, even if they found him—the goblins would pay.

Bilbo, bless him, said nothing more on the matter, leaving Fili to wonder for a moment whether or not he had seem a similar gleam in the hobbit's eyes.

They mounted wordlessly and turned towards the goblin stronghold where Kili had been taken. Their movements were slow and silent. It would not do to be found out too soon.

-:-

Kili realized the moment the guards entered their cell they had been expecting Kili to attack, expecting and waiting for it. As he grabbed the first goblin and threw him into the cell wall, the second was on him, sword at the ready.

He growled, as he quickly backed away letting the blade slip past him before closing the distance and getting inside the goblin's guard. This close the long bladed weapon was ineffective, and Kili's strength could be used to greater effect.

He quickly pinned the guard's arm under his own and struck hard and fast as Dwalin had taught him. Stunned, the goblin staggered back into his comrades, slowing them just enough for Runedar to step in.

Kili paused long enough to study his opponents as they fought to get away from her, then he was moving, not giving them a chance to regroup. He forced himself not to notice the tears in Runedar's eyes as she forced a goblin to suffer the pain she had endured for so long. There would be time for counting the cost later.

He grabbed the first sword he could and set to work. They had to finish what they had started before an alarm was sounded. He struck out as years of working his uncle's forge had taught him. 'Strike hard, strike fast, strike sure,' he repeated to himself as he moved letting it guide him as he moved. "Strike while the iron is hot."

Each blow was timed, each follow through a set up for the next attack. He pushed his advantage against the now confused guards, forgetting about the first guard he had pulled into the cell.

As he grabbed a second blade, and prepared to use it, he felt rather than heard the guard moving behind him. He tensed, trying to anticipate the attack, but it never came. He turned slightly in time to see Runedar stepping away from the guard. He could almost feel sorry for the guard who now stared as if into the pit of hell itself, almost. It deserved no better.

As they stepped into the corridor, he realized something he had not taken into account. Injuries were one thing, but two weeks of scant rations had left him weak and now that the battle frenzy was fading so was his strength.

He let his breath out slowly and focused on the dimly lit corridor.

"This way," he urged and helped Runedar to her feet, as she took one pain filled step and then another he promised himself they would be free one way or another, and if he had his way, Azog would never hurt anyone again. Not in this lifetime or the next.

-:-

As they neared the fortress, Fili heard the unmistakable sound of a warning alarm being sounded. He reined in his horse, giving Bilbo an anxious look.

"They can't have seen us, can they?"

Bilbo frowned for a moment then shook his head. "I don't… think so."

Fili watched as the hobbit pursed his lips and thought about it, his hand going to his vest pocket. After a moment the Hobbit nodded.

"Stay here," Bilbo urged. "I'll be back."

Fili tilted his head. He was about to remind the hobbit about what happened the last time he'd been left to watch the horses, but stopped. The last time he had been left to watch the horses Kili had been with him, and that thought sobered him quickly.

"Be careful."

"As if my life depended on it," the hobbit promised.

-:-

Moving was getting harder, the natural rock formations had provided a passageway, but it was narrow and they were forced to walk one behind the other. Kili took the lead, all too aware of just how weak Runedar was.

Her bent and twisted body made it hard to move even when they weren't crouched low and now each step came slower than the last.

"Just a little further," he urged, taking her hand. "Let yourself walk."

He felt her hand stiffen in his and saw her shake her head.

"We promised each other… you have to be able to move. I've made it through… we can't go on until you're through too. I cannot do this alone."

He could feel her hand go slack in his and took a quick breath knowing what would follow. He felt his feet give out beneath him and bit back a cry. He heard her move as quickly as she dared. Once through she knelt beside him, her hand going to his, taking back the pain and injuries that had slowed her.

"It's not far now," he told her, hoping his natural sense of direction hadn't been addled beyond recall.

She nodded and together they moved off, though it was hard to tell who was supporting who.

-:-

Azog watched as the prisoners made their way through the maze of tunnels. Trust a dwarf to find pathways in the dark that even his goblins didn't know about. He nodded towards the archer at his side. If they reached the gate, he had his orders: one arrow to the back of the dwarf.

He would let them get close, let them taste their freedom then crush what little hope was left. It was all he needed to break the dwarf princeling and then he would let the dwarf go, knowing all too well what seeing his nephew twisted and broken would do to the would-be King Under the Mountain.

He savored the thought and licked his lips, his hand going to the hook that had replaced the one taken by the princeling's uncle. Revenge and ruination would be sweet.

-:-

Bilbo had managed only a few steps, when they saw the portcullis rise ever so slightly and two forms half crawl, half roll under it then move towards the woods.

Fili felt his heart race as he recognized his brother, but his joy was short lived as a volley of arrows peppered the area around the two forms. He gasped as he saw Kili pick up his companion, only to fall to one of the arrows.

Ignoring Bilbo's warning, he urged his horse to breakneck speeds towards his brother before the words could leave the hobbit's mouth.

-:-

Kili cursed himself twice the fool for thinking Azog hadn't foreseen their escape attempt and prepare for it. The pain in his back was nothing in comparison to the sickening knowledge that he had done exactly what the beast had wanted. He looked at the sky, feeling the breeze as it blew through his hair. This was Azog's cruelest trick yet. They were so close, and now, with the arrow in his back, he knew his part of the race was done.

He felt Runedar's hand searching for the arrow and shook his head. "It's up to you now," he said, urging her to take his hand.

She turned, her eyes flashing angrily in denial. "No. You will be all right…"

He took her hand in his and pressed it to his lips. "It's the only way… "

He saw the sadness in her eyes and regretted what this would do to her, but it was the only way, at least she would have a chance.

She shook her head in denial, but he met her gaze head on.

"Not you…" he said softly. "Never you."

He took a sharp breath as a wave of pain washed over him. He did his best to smile at her, to give her the strength they needed to survive, but then the world was lost to him.

-:-

Fili rode without thought of self or horse as he raced to the gate and his brother. He knew the goblins would not follow just yet, but they had already proven that their arrows were not afraid of the light and still flew true enough.

He had to get him out of there, away from that place before darkness fell. He focused all his strength on the still form, barely noticing his brother's companion. All that mattered was Kili.

He moved without thinking, all but falling off his horse in his rush to get to his brother. As he knelt, he felt a hand touch his neck, and then screamed in pain.

-:-

His brother's scream roused Kili from his stupor, and his eyes widened as he realized what had happened. He forced himself to move fighting against the pain as he raised his hand to Runedar's and shook his head.

"Runedar!" he called, his tone weak, but frantic. "No! T'is Fili… my brother…"

It was all he had in him, but it was enough to warn her, and he relaxed as she once again touched his brother, this time healing the wounds that had been dealt.

He waited until Fili's eyes had focused on him, and nodded slowly. "We must go… "

Still dazed Fili nodded, looking up as Bilbo approached at a more sensible pace. Then he inspected his brother's wound. "It's not… too… deep," he said, as he tested the shaft. "Can you ride?"

"Anything to get away from this accursed place..."

Fili rewarded him with a smile. "Thought you might feel that way."

He carefully lifted his brother and placed him behind Bilbo on his horse. As much as he wanted to ride with his brother, the arrow in the back meant he had to ride behind, and there was no way Fili could get him on his horse. Instead he helped his brother's companion onto his own horse and mounted behind them.

He could tell by the way she moved, she too was hurt, but for now the injuries would have to wait. For now they had to get as far from the fortress as possible.

-:-

As the dwarves moved out of range, Azog placed his hand on his archer's bow and signaled him to lower it. This was even better than he had hoped. The Dwarf would die tonight, and there was nothing more he needed to do—the poison was already coursing through is veins, courtesy of the last arrow.

Once they had put some distance behind them, Fili signaled a halt. This time he moved with deliberate care: his brother and his companion were in no shape to be thrown around. He carefully helped the ragged figure from his horse, trying hard not to stare at her obvious injuries, but as he turned to help Bilbo with his brother, he felt her hand on his shoulder.

He tensed for a moment before realizing that she was not trying to hurt him, but to get his attention.

He patted her hand and focused on her for a moment, but it was obvious his mind was elsewhere.

She paused then nodded, towards Kili, obviously deciding that whatever she was about to say could keep until Kili's wounds had been tended. Something in her eyes told Fili what he already knew: he was not going to like what he saw. He gave her hand another pat then rushed to help Bilbo with his brother.

Fili forced himself to focus on the task of easing his brother to the ground as gently as possible. There would be time for worrying later, when they were out of danger. For now it was up to him to bind his brothers wounds and keep the small party safe until they reached the encampment.

He winced as his brother let out a moan, but took it as a good sign. 'He's still breathing,' he told himself. 'Let's keep it that way.'

"Kili, the arrow has to come out," he said, stating the obvious.

The look his brother gave him told him that not only did his brother know this, but he was a fool for mentioning it in the first place.

This, more than anything told him what he needed to know. Somewhere, behind all the hurt, and grime, his brother was still in control. The enemy had failed to break him.

"Runedar?" Kili said questioningly

"Haven. After all you've been through, your first words to me are 'Haven' ,or is it home you are seeking?"

"My friend, Runedar…"

"She is fine."

Kili nodded then, quietly in their native tongue, he spoke. "Do not let her touch me."

Having experienced firsthand the power of her touch he could see why his brother would warn him.

"I'll make sure she's a perfect gentleman and keeps her hands to herself," Fili teased, falling back into familiar patterns he had feared he'd never have again.

"I'm serious."

"I know."

Fili knelt behind his brother and once again inspected the shaft. "This is going to hurt," he warned.

Again Kili looked at him, this time his expression one of pained exasperation. "Just get it out."

Fili nodded and carefully took hold of the shaft. After all his brother had been through, Fili was loathe to add to his brother's pain.

"On three then," he said, waiting for his brother to join the count. "One… Two…"

On the count of two he pulled, pausing only long enough to inspect the tip before tossing the arrow aside in disgust

Kili glowered at his brother for a moment. "You could have waited…" he complained, but his voice was weak.

He did his best to remain upright as his brother cleaned the wound, but exhaustion and pain finally won out and he sagged against Fili. Fili gasped in surprise as his brother collapsed into his arms. He carefully cradled Kili to his chest before setting him down to bind the wound.

"I could get the others, if you'd like," Bilbo offered, unsure if they should camp here or continue on their way.

Fili studied his brother then shook his head. "No, better we put more distance between us and the goblins, and the camp is far more defensible than we are here."

He paused, grateful for Bilbo's help, then looked at his brother's companion. "The sooner we're away, the better, can you take her?"

Bilbo smiled and nodded knowing that Fili would want to have his brother close. Up until Kili's disappearance he had almost envied the dwarves' closeness, but now he could also see the cost of such a relationship: injure one and you have injured both.

"Of course."

-:-

They rode slower now, the shadows were lengthening and each step seemed to add to their companions' pain. Fili knew that a falter now would do far more harm. He was about to suggest they walk the horses when he heard the hoot of an owl, first a barred owl, then a screech owl.

He smiled in relief and returned the call and his uncle stepped out of the shadows.

He tried to speak, to tell him that Kili was injured, but there was no need. Thorin quickly took his reins and led them to the encampment.

"Oin!" he heard his uncle call as they approached the fire. "We have need of you."

Fili did not miss the catch in his uncle's voice as he called, nor the way his uncle gently eased Kili to the ground. As Oin joined them, Fili paused a moment to catch his breath before dismounting and helping Bilbo with his horse.

As Dwalin reached up to help the Hobbit with his passenger, Fili hissed.

"Have care with her," he warned. "She can wound with her touch."

He paused when Bilbo frowned at him and he realized it would have been wise of him to have warned the hobbit sooner.

He gave a sheepish shrug. To be fair, his mind had been elsewhere.

Once Runedar was laid out next to the fire, he led the horses back to the string where the others were tied, only to be stopped by Balin.

"Leave them to me," Balin said, nodding towards Kili, and it was clear he understood. Yes they had jobs to do, but circumstances had changed which jobs where who's, and which were most important. Tonight they would guard the brothers, and see to Kili's wounds.

Fili gave him a grateful nod and turned, his attention fully focused on the knot of dwarves surrounding his brother.

His brother was back among them and Oin would do everything he could to keep him there. For now, nothing else mattered, but when the time came, the goblins would pay for what they'd done. Of this, Fili had no doubt.

-:-


	3. Flashes

**Flashes**

What followed next came to him in flashes. Kili was never sure what was real or imagined. The only things that were solid in his mind were that he was in pain, and that his brother was there. More than once he grasped at the fear that he was still in Azog's lair, and Fili was now a prisoner as well, but those moments, thankfully, were few and far between.

Most of the time, he slept.

He remembered hands. Hands reaching towards him—Thorin's hands holding him with infinite care, Oin's hands, probing his wounds, and while Oin's hands brought him pain, he could feel the concern behind the touch. Then there were Fili's hands, always nearby, offering him water when he woke, reassuring him when memories of the nightmare threatened to overcome him, reminding him that there was still good in the world.

But mostly, Kili slept.

-:-

Fili watched worriedly as his brother's thrashing once again subsided. He took his brother's hand in his own and rested his brow against Kili's forehead, looking more like a young child confiding with his playmate, than a fully grown, if still young, dwarf tending his injured brother.

Fili didn't care. This was his brother, and he had seen the look in Oin's eyes when he'd called their uncle aside. Whatever it was, it wasn't good.

Slowly his eyes drifted to his brother's hand and he swallowed hard. While he had to admit, his brother was in better shape than he'd feared— the last 10 days had not been the least bit kind to Kili. He looked across the fire to where Dwalin tended Kili's companion. There was no way his brother could have fought his way out of that fortress in his condition, even before the arrow wound: something was definitely afoot and he knew it.

He was about to say something when his uncle returned, his expression grim. He watched as Thorin sat down heavily next to him. He had never seen such a weight on his uncle's shoulders. He searched around for Oin, and when he saw the healer's expression and how close he was standing to his own brother, Fili knew it was bad.

As Thorin spoke, he felt his world was slipping away.

"The arrow lad, it was poisoned. Oin is doing everything he can, but…" Thorin paused and in that pause Fili knew he didn't want to hear the rest.

"Unless he can find a cure—Kili will be dead by morning."

Fili shook his head, praying he had heard wrong, but his uncle's expression said it all. 'Oin would do what he could', meant there was little hope, but there was still hope. He looked to the skies as he tried to think, tried to find a way that his brother would make it through the night.

After what seemed like forever he looked back, first to his uncle and then to his brother. "How long?"

"Five, maybe six hours…"

Fili nodded woodenly. "We just got him back…"

When his uncle rested a hand on his shoulder, Fili flinched away, as if denying the comfort he could deny what was happening. Somehow, on some level, he knew his uncle understood. Hadn't he too lost a brother?

"Uncle…" He turned. He wanted to ask Thorin about when he'd lost his own brother—how he had gone on afterwards, but to do so would mean accepting that Kili's death was imminent and he wasn't ready for that.

When Thorin met his gaze, Fili knew his uncle understood, and knew the questions he could not dare to ask. Instead of a direct answer, his uncle tried to give himhope.

"Do not give up, Fili—not yet."

-:-

Fili watched woodenly as the others went about the evening's chores. Kili was dying, but food still had to be made, and horses needed to be tended. Life would go on. It had to. But Fili could not imagine a life without Kili. He had been but five when his brother was born and five years difference was not that much, not in the lives of dwarves. He honestly could not remember his life before he had a brother.

Each moment that passed was a painful reminder of what he would lose if Oin could not find the cure. He thought about that and the arrow he had so foolishly discarded.

He gave his brother's shoulder a gentle squeeze, and rose. Perhaps there was something he could do.

Oin was working on Runedar when Fili approached, and he realized he should have checked on his brother's companion sooner—but things had turned out far worse than he'd expected. He waited a respectful distance, not wanting to interrupt.

He waited until the healer had finished giving her something to drink and was starting to once again stand.

"Oin," he called, and the healer turned towards him.

Pursing his lips for a moment, Fili let his breath out. "A word, please."

The healer paused, looking down at Runedar a moment before joining Fili.

"Yes lad?"

"Would it help if you had the arrow?"

He asked the question quickly, knowing if he didn't force it out, he would never ask. It was a chance and no matter how thin the chance or thick witted the plan, it was a chance.

Oin studied him and gave a furtive look towards Thorin before shaking his head. "There isn't enough time Fili, and it would be far too dangerous. I know it is hard—but I think it would be best for Kili if you were nearby when…"

'When he dies,' Fili thought, and closed his eyes against the renewed pain.

He was only briefly aware as Oin pulled him into a rough hug. "I'm sorry lad. Truly I am."

Fili accepted the condolences stiffly. If he broke now, there would be no coming back and Kili still needed him, if only for a few more hours.

As Oin pulled away, he nodded towards Runedar. "I haven't told her, but she suspects. She will not last much longer than your brother. She's asked to speak to you."

Fili frowned then nodded. She had been with Kili through this nightmare, and she had a right to know. As Oin went to check on the fire, Fili squatted down beside Ruendar.

He flinched slightly as she reached out to him, but her touch was gentle and nothing more than a touch.

"They did something to him, didn't they?"

Her question was soft, and it would have been so easy to turn away, but something in her eyes would not be denied. There was a determination there that seemed to echo the look he'd seen in his brother's eyes as he took aim: a look of complete focus where everything, even laughter paused, and the only thing that existed was the arrow and the target.

Fili nodded. "The arrow. T'was poisoned."

She moved suddenly, trying to rise, that gaze focused on Kili and then back to Fili.

"Take me to him," she said, her voice was ragged from the effort.

When Fili continued to stare at her, she drew a slow purposeful breath. "I can heal him… please… take me to him."

Fili blanched, suddenly understanding his brother's earlier entreaty. She was not strong enough to heal Kili and save herself. He looked at the ground as he spoke.

"He told me not to let you touch him."

He watched as the fire seemed to die in her eyes, and she collapsed into the blankets in defeat. She turned away, avoiding his gaze.

"I will not heal him against his will," her voice very small, as if it belonged to a child rather than a fully grown… whatever she was. "Never again…"

Fili knelt beside her now, a glimmer of understanding taking hold. She was the reason his brother's injuries weren't as bad as they'd feared they'd be. Were it not for the arrow, Kili would have survived them… And then her words became clear.

"They forced you heal him?"

The haunted nod told him everything he needed to know… almost everything.

"Why didn't you just… refuse?"

She turned again meeting his gaze. Horror and shame had replaced the determination she had shown previously.

"Breaks and tears can be mended… " She paused, as if wrestling with something. "But that which is severed cannot. Refusing always made things… worse. In that place—there was no choice, no refusing. I cannot take that right from him now. Not after everything he went through to get us here. "

Fili bowed his head. He understood. After something like that, she would never force her gift upon another. Even if it cost Kili his life, she would abide by his decision.

He didn't know if he could be as brave… or honorable. One look at his brother's sleeping form and he knew he couldn't, not if it meant losing him He would do anything to save his brother—even give up his own life regardless of what his brother wanted.

"It's up to you now," she said, with that same focused intensity she had shown previously. He saw the sorrow, and the desire to spare him the pain that would come if Kili were not healed.

"What can I do?" He asked. "If you will not heal him against his will, and he refuses, what can any of us do?"

"Change his mind."

Her voice was soft, yet he could sense an iron will behind it. "Change his mind before it is too late..."

He studied her as she settled back down breathing heavily from the effort. He heard the promise in her voice—she would fight as long as she could, but ultimately it was Kili's choice.

Impulsively he kissed her brow. There was a chance—if he could get through to his brother, there was a chance.

-:-

As Kili opened his eyes, a small smile came to his lips. Fili was there, watching over him and they were nowhere near the goblin nightmare he had endured. As he tried to move, he felt the pain from his injuries tighten and lowered himself back down.

"So" he said hoarsely. "It wasn't a dream."

"No," Fili answered. "Not entirely…"

Kili tilted his head at his brother's response. Something was still wrong. He looked around to make sure everyone was there. He had almost relaxed when he saw Thorin standing over Runedar.

"Heal him," he heard his uncle half plead, half-demand.

The tone of voice was too close to the commanding voice that Azog had used on her and Kili knew what that alone would do to her. He pushed himself up, only to find Fili gently guiding him down.

"Fili," he called in a soft voice. "Help me up... he knows not what he asks..."

Thorin was still staring at Runedar when the brothers made it to the fire.

"Uncle," Kili called shaking his head. "The pain alone would kill her."

Thorin turned at the sound of his voice, and Kili knew it had all but killed the proud man to think of what had been done to his nephew.

"She is dying anyway," he answered, and Kili saw that he regretted his words almost immediately.

Kili nodded. "And I will not have her die all the sooner for my sake. She has suffered enough, let her die in peace, with as little pain, and as much dignity as we can give her."

He was prepared for almost anything from his uncle, but being prepared for, and seeing were two different things.

"A moment... nothing more…" Thorin snapped at him his eyes flashing in desperation.

It was all that it would give her. She had been too long in the dungeons for the trip not to take what little she had left, and Kili knew it. But he also knew he couldn't ask this of her.

Kili shook his head. "Uncle, I am alive because of her. I am free because of her gift- I promised her peace... please let her last moments in this world be ones of peace and thankfulness."

Next to him he could hear his brother stir, and as Kili turned, he could almost see the thoughts as formed.

"No," he said, with a horror that all but threatened to break him.

"And why not? You said the pain would kill her- I've seen what she did to save you," he gave a short chuckle as he rubbed his hand across the back of his neck. "I've felt it... if she could pass some of it to me...I could share the load—it doesn't have to kill her."

Kili shook his head, his voice taking on an almost desperate edge. "Fili, please... I survived knowing that you... all of you... were safe. I would not wish what happened to me on anyone, least of all you... please... this is something you can't be a part of."

Silence hung in the air as Fili fought to find a way to honor his brother's wishes and see him well and whole, but he knew his brother's heart. There was nothing he could say, not now.

"Kili,"

He turned, at the sound of Runedar's voice and saw the softest of smiles spreading across her face.

"My first friend... I am spent. You have given me fresh air off the mountains, and soft grass to lie in. You have taken me from that place, and brought me... here...where the air flows, and the sky moves, but time is brief. I cannot go on, but you can…"

He looked into her eyes, trying to deny what she was saying, but he could see that it was true.

"Please let me do this for you... for all of you."

Kili shook his head, as if denying her gift he could give her life, but he knew that could never be. Looking in her eyes, he saw the truth behind her words, in both her acceptance of her fate, and the peace she asked from him, the peace she needed.

With tears in his eyes, and Fili's help, he knelt beside her. He felt her touch, feather light, on his brow and remembered the first time she had taken away his pain. That touch had been the barest of hints of what she could do and as he felt the pain leave him, he cried, knowing the pain he was causing her. He reached up, taking her hand in his, taking as much comfort in the connection as he could.

"Not you," he heard her whisper for him alone. "Never you."

As she spoke, he felt her hand go lax in his. He looked at her, afraid of what he would see, what his injuries had done to her. Instead of pain and more injuries heaped upon her, he saw an ethereal light rise from her, like a tree reaching for sunlight, and for one brief moment he saw her as she should have been: willow thin, oak strong and infinitely patient. She stood and gave him the slightest of bows.

Then, he felt himself falling. Overwhelmed by the emotions he had experienced, he barely felt Fili lower him to the ground beside her. He could feel an odd pain here and there, but somehow he knew, she had healed him body and spirit, and what she had not been able to fix, time and his family would.

-:-

Fili watched, amazed and thankful as the woman healed his brother and left this world. He swallowed hard, knowing his brother's freedom and health had been purchased at too steep a price, and he knew that the woman had deserved better.

Kili had called her Runedar: Haven in their native tongue. Thinking about it made Fili smile: even in the madness he had endured, his brother's sense of humor, and honor had fought their way through. He watched his brother's chest rise and fall without any sign of pain.

Once he was sure Kili was only sleeping, he carried his brother back to the pallet. He had been about to ask the others to dig a proper grave for Runedar, and was not entirely surprised to see them already marking out a proper sized grave, not for the huddled and broken form that lay beside the fire, but for the full size of the being they had seen.

She deserved no less.

When he tried to rise, Bofur shook his head.

"See to your brother," the dwarf urged, knowing that Fili needed to care for his brother as much as Kili needed him. "I fear he will need you before this is through."

Fili nodded and sat back down. After a moment he took out his knife and began sharpening it. If anyone wanted to hurt his brother they would have a fight on their hands that would be the thing of legends.

-:-

They waited until Kili was well enough before they buried Runedar, the weather had turned cold and dank but Kili turned his face to the wind and smelled the scent of pine carried along from the mountains and smiled.

Even overcast and oppressive, the skies were far better than the cell that he had shared with Runedar. After all the time she had spent a prisoner, Kili hated the idea of burying her, and yet he knew what they buried was not her. Runedar was free: in the end, that was all that really mattered.

As they rode on, he turned his face to the breeze and savored its gentle touch.

* * *

AN: and so ends the first part - There is more to come, but this tale is now complete. There is no way to go through what Kili has gone through and not be changed, and deeply effected.

Originally I figured that Kili and Fili would see Runedar again, in the battle of five armies - when Runedar, and the Searwen arrive on the field... but then ... I have this friend... who likes me to 'fix' endings for them... I realized... I've already diverged from the tale. Why not go all the way?

Please, let me know what you think.


End file.
